Florida man September 21 2008 – Florida man dies and tells church of his afterlife experience
On September 21 2008, a Florida man purposefully killed himself whilst hooked up to a makeshift heart shock device set to shock him every 5 seconds until he came back to life. The Florida man invented the machine so he could see what was in the afterlife, so he could go back to his local church and tell the priests what is really waiting for us all at the end of the tunnel.
Reports tell us that the Florida man attended church on the Sunday, and explained his findings. When we caught up with a witness at Church one lady told us ‘Satan be coming for us all’. Another witness told us ‘Satan knows of all of our sins and we can never repent, our friend Godfrey was dead for 10 seconds and he told us he spent a lifetime in the fires of hell for not praying every single day, it’s over for us all’.
Reports also say the Florida man, Godfrey Chandler, had been a regular at a mental health unit for Psychosis, and had made similar stories up in the past. The police closed their statement with ‘God is good and will forgive you for anything’.
Florida man September 21 2009 – Florida man who met Satan tells all
On September 21 2009, a Florida man told the news that he met Satan when he was killed in a driving incident, and after spending several years underground with Satan and the rest of the hell creatures he told us that Satan is in fact a good guy. ‘He’s just misunderstood, Satan was born in Florida and was struck down by god for refusing to pray and has performed his duty every day since’. ‘He doesn’t get paid for what he does, not like these millennials who refuse to work at all, he does it without complaint, he’s a good guy’.
Reports say the Florida man was seen entering and exiting manholes in the evenings, and on the 21st of each month he would come out of a manhole covered in a hard red sooty substance, claiming it is from hell.
The Florida man was arrested for heresy, and imprisoned for life.
Florida man September 21 2019 – Florida man arrested for urinating on Donald Trump’s shoes
On September 21 2019, a Florida man was arrested for urinating on Donald Trump’s shoes during his trip to Florida after a hurricane destroyed parts of the east coast. The Florida man, known as Dill Berra, saw Donald walking down the road with his security entourage and was dressed similarly to the security, he decided to blend in and whilst walking, urinate on Donald Trump.
The president was not in favor of the Florida man or many Floridians at that point in time, for cutting funding to their sporting major facilities, with many believing upon the next election Florida would vote Democrat because of this.
The Florida man was pinned down once Donald Trump noticed his damp foot, and was incarcerated for 12 years for assault on the president.
Our thoughts
It seems a lot of Florida man stories include people with mental health issues, mainly revolving around god. It’s easy for someone with poor mental health to center on God and his presence as it may justify the ‘voice in your head’ to them, so if you encounter a rabid schizophrenic or psychotic person, play along with the illusion until safe to move away.
If you want to see others who met god during their ethereal experiences, check this out: Life after death: Man ‘meets God’ following near death experience | Weird | News | Express.co.uk